People

When a new sick person appears in the department, the corridors become full of weeping relatives, who run to and from phoning somebody or cry embracing on the benches. You remember yourself crying, phoning but now, one-two-six-eight months later you look at this with a bit of surprise. You want to calm them down and tell them that all this is trifles and everything will be all right, everybody will recover and their sufferings are in vain. But when you start to realize your hypothetical words you understand that really you still don't know anything just as they don't. But the structure of your perception has changed. You concentrate on the amazing features of surviving without focusing on the dreadful disease. And even when a danger emerges you keep it on the periphery of your perception and wait until everything is stabilized. A day, two, a week, another one. Possibly, the people who like to jump from roofs or doing some dangerous tricks feel like this. Perhaps the people who are in war zones and live through air attacks feel like this too. You hold your breath and don't breathe. Just a little and everything is as usual. Chemotherapy leads to agranulocytos, which in its turn brings about difficulties, infections of fungus and what not, with high fever. And you can't lower the temperature because everything that lowers the temperature also kills the rest of the immunity. With pain, nausea, weeks without food and drink (because the kidneys can fail) and the liquids enter the organism through the medicine droppers. Once, twice, three times... You managed to survive last time. You'll manage this time too. What reason is there for worrying? Just endure.